“It’s My Treat”: How using money to earn validation is a dangerous game

It almost never works out well.

Photo by John Moeses Bauan on Unsplash
“Here, take my card, I’m happy to impress you while this interest rate kills me” Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

Being the “Provider”

When I was growing up, we had periods of struggle, as my parents ran the family business and raised 7 kids. And although we never went hungry or felt unsafe, we knew that some things were hard to come by, like stumping up tuition money all at once. My parents worked hard to see us make the most of our opportunities, so I vowed that as soon as I started earning money, I would see to it that those days of struggle, and the feelings that went along with them, didn’t return.

Being “Good Enough”

Ever since I was a little boy, I knew that I was different and that difference became much more apparent in my teens and young adulthood. I was a gay man, very much in the closet and struggling with feelings of shame, fear, self-hatred and internal homophobia. I knew that I couldn’t hide myself for much longer (and didn’t really want to) and that those closest to me were eventually going to find out. I just couldn’t deal with the shame of having to face this part of my identity and the disappointment that I would cause to everyone who saw a different life for me.

I love teaching people about money, using my mistakes as what not to do. I want to help 1,000 people get one step closer to better personal finances!

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